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HEALING SICK MARRIAGES
Any marriage
which lasts for very long will experience some rough times. If the
physical attraction which dominates the engagement period and the
beginning of marriage for many couples is not accompanied by an abiding
love, the relationship is on shaky ground. The passion which
characterized the beginning of the marriage is often cooled by the
character flaws which one spouse discovers in the other. It doesn't take
long for such a marriage to become "sick," i.e., in danger of dying from
its own weakness.
It is a good thing that Americans are not as quick to give up on
family members who are physically sick as they seem to be on "sick"
marriages. Nursing an ailing marriage back
to good health is much harder than just putting it to death by means of
a divorce. Divorce is readily attainable and one can put the stress and
difficulties of a tempestuous or unfulfilling
marriage behind him faster than he can identify the true problems and
work to solve them. Divine regulations regarding marriage and divorce
are often ignored because they point in a direction which the spouses do
not want to go!
Sometimes there just isn't anything we can do to keep a sick family
member from dying. Nevertheless, we will still try whatever treatment is
possible or advised, grasping at the
smallest hope of recovery. Believe it or not, there is no such thing as
a "terminal" marriage, even in cases of adultery! Even "seriously sick"
marriages can be healed, but, like serious physical sickness, the
recovery process can be long and difficult.
For an ailing marriage to recover, both spouses must be willing to
work toward that end. Many marriages die because one or both spouses
simply give up on the relationship. It is
the definition of frustration and pain for one person to seek to save a
marriage while the other spouse is deliberately working to end it.
Perhaps the first step in the healing process is for both spouses to
decide that the marriage is worth saving.
In order for a doctor to effectively administer treatment to a
patient, he must determine the patient's ailment. It is almost
impossible to help a troubled marriage without a clear identification of
the problem(s). "We just can't get along" is usually not a
diagnosis of the problem, but merely a symptom. Naturally the causes of
sick marriages vary, but selfishness
is usually at the foundation of most marriage problems. One spouse wants
his/her way about something (everything?) and stubbornly refuses to give
any ground even in areas in which
no moral compromise is involved. Note the company in which the apostle
Paul places "selfish ambition"; "For I fear lest, when I come, I
shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such
as you do not wish; lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of
wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults;"
(2 Cor. 12:20). Describe any marriages you know?
----- Allen Dvorak via
Gospel Power, Vol. 14, No. 33, Aug. 19, 2007.
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