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Controlling Behavior
A lot has been said in recent years
about the negative effects of "controlling behavior" in marriage
relationships. According to a recent Associated Press story, "One factor
strongly linked to (domestic) violence is controlling behavior by men.
This behavior includes keeping a woman from seeing friends, restricting
a woman's contact with her family, insisting on knowing where she is at
all times, becoming angry if she speaks with another man, and expecting
her to get his permission before seeking medical care" (AP, 10-9-06).
It is obvious to most rational people that an abusive husband's efforts
to control every aspect of his spouse's life through intimidation,
emotional abuse and violence are just plain wrong. The Christian
understands that such behavior is sinful (see Ephesians 5:25,28; 1
Peter 3:7; Colossians 3:19). If that is what someone is talking
about when they condemn "controlling behavior," I couldn't agree with
them more.
But Satan is ever crafty -- always looking for a way to make evil seem
good, and good seem evil. And so, he has used his vast influence in our
culture to broaden the meaning of "controlling behavior" to include some
things that are actually righteous and good. Satan's workers would have
us believe that virtually any real exercise of legitimate authority
constitutes "controlling behavior." So now, if a husband merely attempts
to provide
headship in the home, he is accused of being "controlling." If parents
require obedience from their children, they are said to be
"controlling." It has even come to the point where elderships that are
Scripturally shepherding local churches are accused of being
"controlling." It all reminds me of the success that Satan has had
re-defining "discrimination". Do you remember when "discrimination"
referred to not treating black folks fairly? Now it means that you
haven't bent over backwards to accommodate homosexuals and criminals.
As we've mentioned, there are a number of behaviors condemned as
"controlling" by the world that God's word commends! Consider the
following:
1. Parents should control their children with discipline.
* Proverbs 13:24, "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who
loves him disciplines him promptly."
* Proverbs 23:13-14, "Do not withhold correction from a child, for if
you beat him with a rod, he will not die. {14} You shall beat him with a
rod, And deliver his soul from hell."
* Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left
to himself brings shame to his mother."
* The Lord condemned Eli "because his sons made themselves vile, and
he did not restrain them" (1 Samuel 3:13).
2. Elders should oversee and rule local churches.
* 1 Timothy 5:17, "Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of
double honor, especially those who labor in the word and doctrine."
* 1 Peter 5:2-3, "Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving
as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain
but eagerly; {3} nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but
being examples to the flock."
3. A husband should be the head of wife, providing direction to her as
Christ does to the church.
* Ephesians 5:23-24, "For the husband is head of the wife, as also
Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. {24}
Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be
to their own husbands in everything."
There is nothing wrong with those who have legitimate authority
exercising it. This is true in the relationships that we've mentioned,
as well as many others such as government-citizen,
teacher-student, and boss-employee. From a Biblical perspective, many of
the problems that we see in these relationships today can be traced back
to too little control, not too much control. Ultimately, a person who
disdains being under the legitimate control of another will also disdain
being under the control of God.
--by Steve Klein, via The Bulletin of the Church of Christ at New
Georgia,
October 15, 2006
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